Bella Gelato is an anonymous contributor to Bodega City. She’s a native New Yorker who most recently enjoys traveling across the country and engaging in new and fun adventures. She is here to give us girls some unqualified advice on dating. Bella is blunt and will say exactly what’s on her mind. Here’s some hardly edited rant she vomited with love.
Girl talk: Why is my friend dating that guy?
Ever see a friend and wonder; why the heck is she with this guy? Why him? Ohhh right… “Love”. Then you sit there evaluating if you think love is worth all the pain and suffering. Is love worth him belittling you in front of family and friends, is love worth feeling like you’re not important because he choose to cancel plans with you (again) because he wants to do something with his friends, is love worth you being the Only one that picks up the clothes from the floor. Where in the freaken spectrum do you put your foot down? And can the act of putting your foot down cause an unrepairable rift? I’m not going to sit here and tell you it won’t; because it probably will. It will probably hurt his pride, those cojones that only see “Hey, I’m the man and you’re just suppose to eat my $&i#” or maybe you’ll be lucky and get a guy that will change…for a little bit and then magically reform back to his normal self or maybe it might stick, who knows.
“Truth is, there is something wrong with you and there is something wrong with him, and that’s ok.”
Truth is, there is something wrong with you and there is something wrong with him, and that’s ok. You basically have to find the one guy with the screwed-up thing you can handle! Figure out if he can handle you too. Oh and then find out how far the “I don’t give a rat’s butt” gauge is, talk about it like a grown up, be real! Like you were just talking to a friend.
I randomly ask my boyfriend retarded things all the time… it helps me understand his expectations vs mine and then I’m better prepared for reality. For example, I asked him when you’re mad how long should I leave you alone for? He said “Whenever I calm down, how can I tell you how long it takes” and yea I can see how that makes sense but guess what I want to talk about it immediately so how about we come up with a neutral time to talk about it. That’s what love should be like. Granted, I’m lucky enough to have found someone that listens and compromises (Which Jeez that’s a whole other ballgame) but that’s Love.
“Knowing that I like Option A, you like Option B, and we’re going to go with option AB or BA makes all the difference.”
Knowing that I like Option A, you like Option B, and we’re going to go with option AB or BA makes all the difference. We finally battled back and forth and came up with 45mins timer to walk the heck away and think. It doesn’t always work; but I’m good for being an extra butthead and creating a calendar invite for 45mins with multiple annoying reminders and he’s crazy enough to not let that bother him because that’s ME. Since I can’t sit still for 45mins while I’m pissed and wanting to talk about it I created a coping method which is to text him like a huge paragraph and then deleting it because it would probably be bad. Like really bad. Remember, I got lucky… another guy won’t compromise, set a time and stick to it, another girl won’t compromise and blame it on she can’t control her emotions that she needs to vent right there and now – No, you don’t. Love is all Choice. You choose what you want to believe in, if you believe it’s “not so bad” “it’s not a big deal” that he cancels plans to be with friends or if you choose to believe “I don’t mind picking up the laundry” or if you choose to believe “I’m not sharing my food” it’s all your choice, love is part choice, part ovaries, probably part a million other things that you have to choose to make important or not.
The reason your friend chooses him, is her choice all you can do is to try to better understand her and maybe help her understand herself.